Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
