Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
