Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
