I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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