with your own penis?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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