The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
