last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
