Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
