oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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