He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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