I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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