Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have peed in a lot of sinks
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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