There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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