So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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