I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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