You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
