yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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