ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
