Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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