How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
