Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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