I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My dick has a subreddit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
