I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
