when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
