I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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