i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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