last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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