the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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