If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
