As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
