chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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