Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
