guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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