Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
