Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
