So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
