i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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