She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize