I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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