Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hippo gnu deer
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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