Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
