Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
