I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize