im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
