Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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