I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
