maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just high enough for therapy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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