From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
