your parents love me but you hate me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need help removing her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A+ Viking dick
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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