Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize