Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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