My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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