how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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