There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
