Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize