I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
