he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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