none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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