Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
