I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
