It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
