We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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