i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
