If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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