yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
