Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize