He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
