He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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