I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
