is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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