when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
