She is in my trunk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
