My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
