She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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