i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
