it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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