...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i came on her dog
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
