i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Farmville is her only friend.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
