naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
