i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
